This article in Ynetnews about infertility in the religious community made me very sad. As someone who has experienced both primary and secondary infertility, I could relate to what the women in the article said, although I personally found my faith to be a help to me.

My experience also has made me more sensitive to others who are going through the same situation. I pray every day for couples, some who live on my yishuv, who have not been blessed with children, yet, although they have been married for quite a while.

I don’t tell them this, though. One of the most difficult parts of being infertile is that in addition to the searing pain of childlessness is the humiliation of knowing your condition is public. I sometimes felt that I was wearing a sign on my back saying “go ahead, feel sorry for me”. That is why I think that the greatest gift you can give to an infertile couple is the gift of privacy. The only person I appreciated talking to me about my condition was the nurse on the yishuv, who referred me to a good doctor and helped with some of the treatments. The other comments sometimes made to me were well meaning but painful just the same.

Pray for people you know going through this pain, but talk about other things in their presence, unless they bring up the subject themselves. Thank G-d every day for the children you do have (which I have been lucky to be blessed with) and hope that they will also feel this joy.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Batya
    Oct 27, 2011 @ 07:36:24

    Thanks for posting. G-d has been good to me, in that I’ve never suffered it.
    It’s one of those things that if you have children, people may not have a clue that their conception wasn’t “as planned.”

    L’havdil, I could never understand how people let others know that a child “wasn’t planned.” It must be awful for someone to know that their parents didn’t really want them.

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