The Peace and Quiet of My Own Home

I had a very interesting discussion with westbankpapa this morning, concerning the different needs men and women have for periods of solitude.

I have been working very hard lately, and my job has turned into a full-time one. This happens every year after Passover, and lasts until the end of June. Then my schedule goes back to a four day a week one.

Today was my first day off in about two months (not counting weekends of course, which means cooking and cleaning on Friday for Shabbat, and catching up on sleep on Shabbat itself). I told my husband how much I was looking forward to being at home by myself – just a few hours of solitude in my own home, without husband or kids around.

He thought I was nuts. Westbankpapa is very outgoing and social, and I am quieter and more reticent. But I insisted that my desire for some time alone at home was more of a “girl thang” than a temperament difference. I know women who are very social, but who also crave some time alone in their homes – which is very difficult to come by if you work full time.

What do you think? Is it really one of those gender differences, or do I just happen to know women who love periods of solitude?


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jerusalem Joe
    Jun 24, 2008 @ 09:10:26

    I think the terms “Minimizer” and “Maximizer” coined by Harville Hendrix hit the nail on the head. These things are not connected to your sex category, although they are influenced by the way society expects women and men to behave. Usually women are expected to be more social and to fill in all the lulls and spaces.
    You can read more about this here:

  2. Batya
    Jun 24, 2008 @ 11:23:40

    I think it’s more individual than gender.

  3. Raizy
    Jun 24, 2008 @ 16:48:29

    I really don’t think it’s a gender thing, either. I think it’s a matter of different personalities. I am a lot like you- I desperately need to have some quiet, alone time every day, or I go seriously crazy. (I was one of those mothers who used to hide in the bathroom for solitude when my kids were little!)

  4. ilanadavita
    Jun 25, 2008 @ 20:47:07

    Probably more individual. I enjoy time alone at home too.

  5. Eric
    Jul 08, 2008 @ 06:36:24

    I’m male and like to be alone for a while at regular intervals. But – not at home. Away from home is better. Maybe that’s the difference between us.

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