Nice to Meet You

This Shabbat is the annual “Shabbat Hekerut” (“Getting to Know You” Sabbath) in our yishuv.  Every year, sometime after the Chagim and before the serious winter sets in, the families both host and are hosted by other families on the yishuv. A few weeks ago I sent in my page with the fifteen options of families that I wanted to get to know better (including the new ones that just moved in over the summer). 

Although we have three active synagogues, on this Shabbat everybody davens together in one minyan for both Friday night and Shabbat morning (every year it gets more crowded, ken yirbu). On Motzei Shabbat there is a huge social evening, and at the end there is a video clip of the new families introducing them to everyone else.

Our yishuv started with 7 families, and now, bli ayin hara, numbers almost 200. When we came we were number 54 or 55. At that point it was possible to know everyone, and the feeling was one of family. As the yishuv grew, it became impossible to really “know” everyone, and most of us become friends with those who have kids in the same grade. Most of the newcomers have children younger than my own, so  my goal at this point is to recognize faces, so that I know who to stop for when taking trempistim – hitchhikers. (I will stop for women anywhere, but I will only stop for a man if I know he lives in my yishuv).

Shabbat Hekerut is indirectly responsible for my finding my job. One year we got to know a family, and two years later they remembered me when they heard of job that might be suitable.

We decided to live on a yishuv before we even made aliyah, because of a lot of reasons. One important one was the feeling of community. Those of us who grew up “out of town” (meaning, out of the New York area) remember what it was like to be in a small but close Jewish community, and we sought that out in Israel. Living in a city, where you don’t know your neighbors, seemed very cold. This Shabbat always reinforces for me that we made the right decision.

The Simple Joys of Mechanical Appliances

Our new dryer has been delivered and installed. Yesterday westbankpapa worked from home so that he could receive the dryer that we purchased about two weeks ago. He was then informed that we needed to wait for a technician to install it, otherwise we would not be eligible for the warranty.

When I heard this news I asked him to call the service people right away to make an appointment. Technicians from the major companies only come out to us in the Shomron on a rare basis, so I knew that I could possibly have a wait of up to a month. We were in luck – the service guy would be in Shomron the next day!

So today I waited at home (they said that he would be here in the morning – “up to 12:00″. He showed up at 1:30 pm.) The whole thing was a bit frustrating since all he did was to take off the packaging, attach the “exhaust hose” (what do you really call that tube where the steam comes out?) and plug the thing in. I am not a mechanically inclined person, but I COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING – and without missing a day of work!

Anyway, I have nice, clean, dry clothes for my children, even on a stormy day like today (G-d willing we will have many more, until the Kinneret is full).

Baruch Hashem!

Why Do They Call It A Cold?

I am home today with a headcold – although I can’t figure out why they call it that. I don’t have a fever, but even so, my head is stuffy and I am going through tissues at an alarming rate. I must have picked up a virus during all of the visiting we did on Chol HaMoed.

It is much easier being sick when your kids are older – you just rest when you need to and let them fend for themselves. They even treat you nicely and do errands without complaining.

Luckily my brother gave me a bunch of books to read, so I am well stocked. He is into the science fiction/fantasy stuff, so I have been introduced to Robin Hobb. I started with her last trilogy – Soldier Son – and so far I like it.

Herbivores and Carnivores

When I became an observant Jew, I needed to learn many things. The holidays in my childhood home consisted of Chanukah and Pesach. Rosh HaShana was a day to suffer sit through synagogue and then come home to watch tv. So our home was lacking both the traditional holiday meal and the simanim (“symbolic foods”). After becoming observant and setting up my own home, I needed to learn about the simanim and their significance.

In addition to cooking the holiday meal, I loved putting apples and honey, dates, carrots, and a pomegranate on the table. The fish head was a bigger problem, though. I was a bit squeamish about it, and sometimes I would solve the problem by taking a slice of gefilta fish and making a smiley face on it with carrots and a pepper slice. My boys would sometimes gently tease me about this fake-out.

This year I had my revenge!

The first night’s meal went well. We had a vegetarian guest, so I lept at the chance to leave the fish head off the “menu”.

The second evening was not in my control, though. We were invited out for the evening meal, and we enjoyed the simanim that usually grace our table. I then said to my host, “you also don’t put a fish head on your Rosh HaShana table?” He answered me with a big smile and a “just you wait….”

He then proceeded to bring out both a plate of gefilta fish slices and another plate with five or six fish heads, all stuffed with the same tasty mixture.

The westbankfamily all took slices, and our hosts took the fish heads to eat. The adults were sitting at one corner of the table, and my sons sat next to me, with our host’s lovely daughters sitting opposite them.

Now my boys are not quite the uncouth savages I sometimes make them out to be, and they know how to behave at the table.  They know that different people have different tastes in food, and they don’t discuss this.  But they have not yet attained the sophistication of adults, and they did not school their faces into neutrality. I glanced to my left and had to restrain myself from laughing out loud, as I took in their shocked looks. They couldn’t help by being a bit appalled at the scene of four nice girls, all attired in pastel colors and lace, digging into their fish heads with unconcealed relish. I thought one of my boys was going to faint when one of the girls turned to her sister and asked her for the eye!

I turned to my friend and told her that “my boys seem to think your girls are pretty tough!” She appreciated the joke.

Afterwards one of my boys said to me, in a backhanded apology at past teasing, that I didn’t really need to put all of the simanim on the table. One evening with fish heads was enough!

Transitions

This is a time of transition in the westbank household.

After years of infertility problems, I honestly feel that having three healthy children is an embarrassment of riches. On the other hand, given the setup in Israel, having three boys means that they leave the nest pretty early, and I find myself putting the prefix “only” before this number.

My oldest is 20 now. Three years ago he decided to become a Chabadnik. I’ve never really written too much about it on the blog, since for most of the past three years we have slowly come to terms with it. (If three years ago we were completely freaked out, now we are only partially freaked out!). Part of the Chabad “maslul” (loosely translated as schedule) is to learn for at least a year in 770 Eastern Parkway  – the Lubavitch headquarters in New York. The boys all do this at the age of 20. So my son will be leaving for New York in a few days. Since they usually travel to another country to do shlichut after this year, it means that I may not see him for at least a year and a half, and probably more.

For him it means going to a good place to learn, and being “with” the Rebbe (yes, he is one of those). For me he is trading the beauty of Eretz Yisrael for a slum in Brooklyn. But, as many of the more veteran parents out there know, your children grow up faster than you expect, and become adults that make their own decisions.

My second son is now 14, and a week ago we took him to his new yeshiva. He is very happy there (so far!), and we are happy with the place (so far!). He will be coming home once in a while on Tuesday afternoons, and every other Shabbat and all of the holidays, so I will see him frequently. But he doesn’t sleep under my roof any more, and I feel his absence.

My third son is now 13, and has already expressed his wish to go to dormitory yeshiva next year (even though we think the local school is very appropriate for him). So I am already anticipating a very quiet house next year.

All of this makes me want to throw a tantrum. I want to sit in the middle of the floor and cry. But mature women of (almost) 48 don’t do those things.

On the other hand, even when I feel sad and uncomfortable with all of these changes, out of the corner of my eye I am looking at some new possibilites. From a mundane point of view, I am actually looking forward to being able to keep my house clean (or at least cleaner than it has been for the past 20 years!). I never had a cleaning lady, and with “only” boys in the house, the place looked it! (And yes, my boys do help by washing dishes and the floor, but they never take any responsibility. If I don’t specifically ask for something to be done, it isn’t done. In contrast I know of women whose daughters clean and cook without being told to).

I am also thinking that I will have more time to write (no more excuses, huh?). I have notebooks with scribbled notes on all kinds of things that I could theoretically turn into something.

Being a woman, especially a religious one, means taking what G-d gives you with gratitude. It also sometimes means accepting changes with good grace. I am hoping I can do this, because it doesn’t come naturally.

Lots of Sun and Water

We had a very nice time on our vacation up north. Every year I learn from the mistakes of previous years and we fine-tune the itinerary.

Many people go camping when going up north – but it is not a vacation for me if I have to sleep on the ground! So we usually stay at a Beit Sefer Sadeh (field school). These field schools offer a room with up to six beds (some bunks), a bathroom and shower, a small refrigerator, and breakfast (kosher, in most cases, but usually Rabbanut). The rates are cheaper than the usual tzimmerim (fancier bed and breakfast places). I don’t need a jacuzzi, and since we don’t have a tv at home I don’t need one on vacation either! So the field school is a good fit for us. (In my experience, especially in the summer, 90% of the clientel is religious, so there is no fear of not having a minyan either).

We did rafting again on the Hatzbani – this time the long route. The water was freezing – but that didn’t stop my boys from getting out of the boat and swimming around (which is somewhat hard with a life vest on). They thought I was a wimp for not doing it too – so I had to explain the physics of skirts floating upwards in the water and how that wasn’t exactly modest. Anyway, I like being paddled down the river – I don’t need to get completely soaked in order to enjoy.

We went swimming in the Kinneret – which is just as sorry as last year. We really need to pray for rain people!!!! We also tried Nachal Snir for the first time. I made the mistake of wearing cheap plastic shoes – which were not really sturdy enough for walking over the rocks – but they did dry out fast enough. Next year I will just have to go for sneakers and have something to change into afterwards.

We did the chocolate factory in the Golan again (DeKarina, in Ein Zivan). I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the hashgacha is Eida HaCharedit and OK, so my oldest son, the Chabadnik (as of three years ago) could eat the chocolates. During the tour there is a part with tasting, and each group of five people get a plate with various kinds of chocolates. Israelis must have their taste buds ruined by chocolate spread (I never touch the stuff!) because the group next to us actually turned up their noses at the chocolate! We gladly “volunteered” to finish their samples.

We also toured the old city of Zfat and some of the artist galleries, which we have never done before.

All in all we had a great time.

We’re Heading Up North…

I want to wish my readers a Shabbat Shalom. We will be heading up north on Sunday morning for a few days of much needed family time, before two out of three of my kids “fly the nest”.

Hope to post about it afterwards….

Cool Stuff

I recently went shopping with my sons for school clothes (not as harrowing an experience as shopping with girls – or so I am told!). In addition to the “dagmach” trousers that my sons like (sort of toned down work pants) we looked for “normal” t-shirts. We found some, but many were just plain wierd (pink with stripes? for 13 and 14 year old boys?).

I’m tempted to order some from this online store. Not only are they “normal” they are pro-Zionist and they help a good cause.

Go over and check them out!

My Elbows Aren’t Sharp Enough!

It’s summer time, and although my kids have a nice number of activities planned, they also spend quite a bit of time on the computer. So does westbankpapa.

That’s why it takes me forever to get onto the computer, and therefore my posting will be light for the next month or so….I also joined the library near where I work, and a whole new set of English books have now become available! Books still beat blogs for me, any day….

Meanwhile, enjoy Jack’s version of this week’s Havel-Havalim….

“Ima, I’m Bored!”

School is out for everybody now – the middle and high school kids get out around the 20th of June, and the primary school finishes on the 30th.

Which means that, barring a complete change in human nature, mothers will be hearing “Ima, I’m bored!” many times during the next two months.

Our yishuv sponsored a series of workshops the past month for parents on how to prepare for the summer, and it focused mainly on the potential problems faced by parents of teenagers with too much time on their hands. The younger teens are especially at risk, because they are too young to work (the summer camp counselors locally need to be graduates of 10th grade minimum) and are too old for organized day camp.

The yishuv sponsors a bus to the local pool once or twice a week, and the youth counselor (a hired position on our yishuv) organizes some activities, but many parents organize “parent camps” to fill in the gaps. The problem with this is that each group is a world unto itself.

My seventh grader is set – the parents in this group are super organized and we have five days of activities planned out (today is the separate beach in Tel-Aviv, next week is a walking tiyul, etc.). My eighth grader is not so lucky. There is no one “leader” amongst the parents – and I couldn’t take it on since I was so busy at work until yesterday.

In addition to the activities, the educators who spoke during the workshops emphasized the importance of having some structure to the day – even a minimal one. Too many teenagers turn night into day, and end up sleeping most of the morning away (or the whole day!) and then hanging out at night.

We put our foot down and insisted on a curfew – of 12:00am. For those of you who live in a city it may seem pretty late for a 14 year old – but here in yishuvim it is considered “normal” or “early”. The “problem” that we have in yishuvim is that the kids, and some parents, assume that it is safe here, and there is nothing dangerous about the kids hanging out until very late. I am lucky in that I have only boys – and they have a halachic (pertaining to Jewish law) obligation to pray with a minyan (a quorum of 10 men). The latest minyan here is 8:15am – so that morning deadline keeps them from sleeping too late (and yes, we have to wake them up, occasionally with the warning that if it is too hard to get up in the morning, then you’ll have to go to sleep earlier at night….).

My kids are reluctant to go to the library, so I go for them, and make sure to bring back four books at a time. That way I know that at least one will catch their interest. Of course the DVD gets an extra workout during the summer, too.

A little boredom is not bad. Two months of boredom is not good for anyone. I wish my readers an enjoyable and safe summer!